i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
