Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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