But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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