Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
There's always time for handjobs
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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