the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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