I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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