just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
