READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
