he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
