i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
