I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize