Please, let me fuck your mom
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
