so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
