piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
