Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
