never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
