I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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