I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
