if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
