i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
