One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize