I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
