I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
