you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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