it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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