So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
