Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
