Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
