dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
