i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Never joke about your clitoris.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
