dude i'm inner monologue high
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I did not marry a roomba.
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