Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
