your thong is hanging out like whoa
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
