I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
pray to the hookup gods
Ladies don't puke and tell
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
