This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
