Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
