Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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