You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
