i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
