Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize