So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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