her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Damn victory sex feels great
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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