i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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