oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
