Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
