Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
