But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
