i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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