You made me cry and you don't even care
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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