I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
