in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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