they need to just BURY HIM!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
