I'll bet she douches with gravy.
People in love make me want to vomit
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
