Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
