With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
