i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
