That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Congratulations! We have a period
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
