woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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