you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
