he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
