the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
