we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize