I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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