You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Randomize
