I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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