that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
