Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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