I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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