I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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