I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
