I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
