Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
