Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
