The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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