Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
