I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
