Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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