there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
that may or may not have been my penis.
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