I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
