I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
