I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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