i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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