I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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