Umm I'm too high to move.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
