i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
