Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
