genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
